Everybody tries to get a bit of a tan when we get a nice sunny day in England or when we go on holiday? The sun makes us feel good, it gives us a "healthy" glow.
Well all I can say is , "Are you dying to get a suntan? "
I have always been very fair skinned. I do tan but not without usually going a fetching red/pink shade first.
As a child in the 70's, my mom would slap on Ambre Solaire oil, I recall it being factor 2! The less factor was apparently better because you would get a tan quicker & more easily. Strangely enough, I used to go quite brown, I don't remember burning when I was small. Being very naturally blonde (unlike now, mores the pity!) I looked like a little berry running around with a flow of blonde locks!
I would attempt to get a tan every year in the summer as a teenager, as I got older I seemed to burn more for some reason. Still I baked myself in a attempt to look brown.
Now, I have always had lots of moles on my back and generally on my skin, so did my mom. I'd never even think about them, they were just there.
I went to Cyprus in the early 90's. I walked around in a bikini top and shorts in over 100 degree heat on one day. I had probably put minimum factor on so I would tan. A local cypriot warned me for being so foolish and that I would get ill through too much sun exposure. I ignored him and sure enough on the evening I felt very ill ( I'd got sunstroke ). My chest and back were burning & I had the headache from hell. I was sick, you name it, I felt it! Anyway, that cleared up in a day or so with loads of fluids and I thought no more.
The years went by, I also used a sunbed in a salon for a few months the one year when I lost alot of weight ( I thought that it made me look more glamourous having a tan!). Then when I got married I went to India for the honeymoon. This time I did use factor 25 or 30, I didn't want to get sunstroke like in Cyprus. I still tried hard to get brown and never covered up in the sun. Again it was November, which was one of the hottest times in India (one day it was 105 degrees farenheight).
The fact of using high protection in the sun and on cloudy days seemed to be more and more important by the media and medical profession lately. The ozone layer is getting thinner & generally letting in more dangerous UVA & UVB rays.
A few weeks ago I didnt really feel very well, Doctor said I'd got a kidney infection. While I was there I asked him to check a mole that was on my back. My husband had noticed it as I'd got a strappy top on & said it didnt look right.
It was 2 different colours (very dark brown & brown), it had a wavy edge, like the shape of a fried egg. It was quite large compared to the others, about 1 cm wide & appeared there or changed shape quite quickly. I hadn't noticed it really,being on my back.
The doctor refeered me to the Dermatology dept at selly oak hospital, Birmingham. I saw on his screen the letter and in big letters it said SKIN CANCER. Now when I saw this, I felt a bit worried but he said, all moles get sorted out there. I'd hear from them in about 2 weeks for a appointment. It wasn't long and I got the appointment. I went, not feeling too worried really. I thought they'd say it was ok. The consultant seen it and said it had to come off straight away. Me being a nurse, I asked if they thought it was cancerous and the answer came back as over 90% sure it was a malignant melanoma. I felt strangely calm and a bit bewildered. I had loads of students have a look at it and ask me questions. There was a space on the day surgery ward that very morning and they arranged for it to be taken off. I first had to have a photo taken of it by the medical illustrators.
We went to a cafe in the hospital and I told Martin it was likely to be cancerous. I started to cry , his eyes welled up. He had already lost his first wife to cancer. I don't think it kind of went in really but I felt sick , confused and scared. My first thought was bloody hell, I'm gonna end up like me mom (she died of lung cancer 3 and half years ago aged 56).
I went onto the dermatology ward within the hour & got prepared for the day surgery. I hate having any proceedures done in hospitals or being generally prodded about. I like to be told everything. Fear of the unknown is the worst fear.
I had it removed under local aneasthesia ( I think I must of gritted my teeth at the multiple injections to numb my back). I can stand pain but these hurt...just a bit. The surgeon & nurses was great and we chatted about the football (It was the start of the world cup celebrations). I didn't feel a thing once it was numb. You get pulling & tugging sensations when they stitch you up but no pain at all. A very weird thing I must say. I turned over onto my front and promptly felt a bit light headed. Tea and buscuits ensured , I'd had no breakfast so my sugar levels had dropped a little. What a idiot I felt. I've donated blood and never had any problems as of late.
Martin , my husband was still there, waiting. Goddess bless him, he had been fantastic. Cracking very tasteless quips as always.
We went home and I got very upset. I felt a wreck and almost everything I'd done in life I thought about. I thought about my life and what the future held in general. I didn't want to be alone & I didn't want to die. I'd got far too many people to annoy yet!
I went back to work the next week ( Gave the wound chance to heal a little & perhaps better at work). Two weeks I had to wait for the histology results and to return to the clinic again. It was torture, the waiting. I didn't feel very well as it was and every ache I felt I thought it was related to the mole I'd had removed. My mind was in turmoil. I really couldn't cope and the doctor gave me some short term sedatives to calm me down!
I went back on the 11 th July. We got to the clinic and it was absolutely packed out with people. I groaned as I walked in there. It was hot and full of ill people. I didn't want to be one of those poorly people. We asked the nurse how long the wait would be and was told 1.5 hours. Well we both said we'd return after a hour and half. So, off we trotted to the pub which was near by and had a few drinks! A great time was had. I think by this time I'd spent the last two weeks worring, I thought what the heck!
We returned to the clinic and still had to wait about a hour. We got in there & I didn't know what the consultant was going to say. The aprehension was horrible. I ended up being the last person seen. She was very good and started off by saying "The good news is.......
It is just confined to the surface of your skin, it hasn't started to grow into the deeper layers where it can carry cells to other parts of the body. Martin had tears in his eyes at the releif. I, on the other hand, just smiled at this type of news. It was the best diagnosis I was going to get. It was a malignant melanoma but called a "in-situ spreading melanoma". This was a good news - bad news type of answer. It was possibly the best news you can be given if you're going to be diagnosed with skin cancer. The initial removal should catch everything. The macmillian nurse (Helen) explained it a little more clearly. A "in-situ" kind of means, it hasn't done any damage at the moment but if it had been left, it had the potential to spread and grow deep, i.e. It was life threatening! Helen explained that I still need to have further skin removed from the area to make sure all the cancer cells have been removed as if they don't, the melanoma could return in the same place. She also rassured me that they haven't found any cells in futher skin removals when this has been done. It was a precautionary measure for the future. So I have to go back on the 14th August for the further skin removal operation. It will be the same as before.... (more of those painful needles). Then wait another 2 weeks for the histology results.When I came out of the clinic, my husband and I just hugged.
SECOND REMOVAL OF TISSUES
Second wound from melanoma removal (size of melanoma 12mm x 7mm), 14 days post op, stitches out.
The few weeks inbetween having the initial surgery and the next one was a bit unpleasant on my nerves. We visited a orthapeadic hospital with my work and happened to park outside a cancer centre for children and young adults. Well, this set me off good and proper (bit too close for comfort) as I wasn't feeling very good anyway. I ended up having to phone helen,my macmillian nurse for moral support as I couldn't function for half an hour,let alone put a needle into someone's arm at work!
I had the second lot of tissue removed from my back. I remember it still being quite tender because they had only been there a month previously & I'd caught a infection in the wound. I was as pertrified as ever and got myself worked up into such a state! The hospital had lost my notes so I was in there for ages and ages. The surgeon wouldn't operate obviously without my notes. By the time I got on the table to have it done my pulse was over 120! The bloody needles are horrible. I hated them. Because I knew what was coming, it made me tense up so It made it feel more sore. I ened up nearly fainting due to getting in a state & feeling such a twit! Anybody else would of just probably dealt with it, but no not me!
I ended up having three weeks off work to recover as they had gone down to the muscle this time, to make sure all the cancer cells have been removed.
"A whiter shade of pale"
No make up, nothing & not feeling too good. A few days after IT was removed!
It's taken a good 6 months for the area to heal really good. As it's on my back the scaring has stretched somewhat, which they said it would.
Scar after 12 months.
It doesn't bother me though & if people look at it well let them look. They are probably leaving someone else alone. I'm alive which is what counts.
I don't think it is good idea to look scar-less in your coffin & but have a great big melanoma on your back!
I don't really know whats a good one and whats a bad one still. They are all very varied. It also makes you slightly paranoid about the damn things.
I have put this very personal thing on my site, in the hopes it will educate and warn others of the sun and what it can do. I was unaware untill quite recently, what the dangers were of too much sun exposure. Now I wear sun factor 50 plus on any exposed bit of skin & reapply it frequently, wear a silly white folding hat and cover up!
Skin cancer cases in the UK have risen so sharply in the past few years. The UK has more deaths related to skin cancer than Australia! Australia may have more cases of it, but I think the Australians are more aware of the problem, so a cure is sought earlier. If you notice some kind of change in a skin lesion, don't delay in getting it checked out.
AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE .............
DONT USE TANNING SALONS / SUNBEDS. THEY ARE VERY VERY DANGEROUS. The owners of these death traps will convince you they are safe but they are just looking after their business and taking your money.
DON'T DIE OUT OF IGNORANCE & BEING VAIN!
http://www.ccmac.org/ccmac_psa.mpg
FAKE YOUR TAN!
This womans work by Kate Bush.
Pray God you can cope.
I stand outside this woman's work,
This woman's world.
Ooh, it's hard on the man,
Now his part is over.
Now starts the craft of the father.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.
Give me these moments back.
Give them back to me.
Give me that little kiss.
Give me your hand.
(I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.)
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things we should've said,
That were never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go away.
Just make it go away now.
* * *
Healing Chant.
Deep in my Bone
the Goddess is alive
Deep in my cells and blood
the Life Force is strong
Deep in my heart and spirit
I believe I will heal
I feel the Goddess at my core
filling me with faith and health
Abundant Life Forces of the Universe
flow in me, and banish all disease
My blood, my bones, my cells and my body
are healing now, are healing now
The Goddess force is in me
and healing me now
